Student Work: 'I Remember'

I still Remember, I do, I promise. I remember your hands, the way you constantly had a tan mark from your “forever mine” engraved wedding ring, the wrinkles that came with getting older; do you remember the day you cried non stop over those silly wrinkles, I still do.  If I try exceptionally hard I can still trace your hands from that one insignificant freckle at your wrist all the way to your always perfectly maintained fingernails. Your gorgeous red hair fell in tight ringlets just below your shoulders, unless you had a sudden urge to straighten it, which always kept us entertained for hours. The sweet tangerine/candy perfume you wore still engulfs me. But most of all I remember you’re sparkling sky blue eyes that concealed the most wonderful secrets and stories. I guess that’s why they looked so fragile and weak. Towards the end, you lost that magical sparkle in your eyes; it seemed to take away part of your heart as it faded - that’s what I hated the most.

 I’m still haunted by those last few days.

Your presence only remains in my memories but it feels like you’re close, like you’re next to me, sometimes maybe a few miles away but more then often it feels as if you are an eternity away. Every night I pray to spend one more hour with you, to have one more glance of your face, to see your fire red hair in the distance, but in all honesty I would be content with just hearing your gentle voice sing me to sleep. I cherish the lullabies you sung me. They are fresh in my mind like it was just a few moments ago that I was 7, tucked up in bed and listening entirely to you,  “And if that horse and cart fall down, You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town…..”.

I long to forget those darkest moments of my life and the end of yours. Running through my head is a conveyor belt of possibilities and what ifs: what if I hadn’t gone to school, what if I check on you in the morning, what if, what if. Everyone told me I couldn’t have done anything if I was there, I want to believe them, I do, but some part of my won’t forgive myself. Guilt courses thought my veins, day and night.

Are you angry with me? Do you blame me?

The trampoline lays untouched, with last autumn’s assortment of brilliant gold, vibrant orange, dusty brown and sunshine yellow leaves still strewn across the surface. That was my all time favourite thing to do when spending time with you. Competitions to see who could touch the sky first, I always lost to you. You told me I would improve and beat you as I grew up and got taller, I guess I will never know.

There’s no music, no enchanting smells, no love, nothing to care for left in this house, but most of all, no you.

I have you wedding ring hanging on a chain around my neck. You mean the world to me. Like it has engraved on the ring, you’re “forever mine”.